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miksedk's words of a chaotic mind!

Everyday thoughts….no love no worries right?

Using all the energy screaming the top of your lunges, and still feel like a gasket is about to blow. Feeling a big chump of stone is about to burst out your chest leaving the freaking bloody carcass behind in a pool of heartaches, the symbolic pool of blood. And sweat and an empty mind. Or at least that’s what it really feels like isn’t it?

Fuck humans, they don’t understand SHIT until it’s too late. Fuck friends that never sees how the other side of the friendship is doing. Been left outside all my life no actual friends, no girlfriend no love, no fun between the sheets. Fuck the world is how I feel at the moment. Oh yes and fuck parents that never seems to understand their children feelings along the way. Why become a parent then? Why set a life into this world when you’re not ready for bringing it up to learn to keeping alive in this god forsaken world, this…..Robot-humanistic world. Robots that never feel, never think about how they treat other robots because they’ve learned that, that’s how it’s done to keep alive in this world. To bee on top of everyone else, use them as a steppingstone to the next level right? Wrong, it’s about living as a living species here on earth and knowing you’ve done everything right from the very start. Helping everything and everyone live a good life and helping the earth blossom from every level of energy. Use & reuse “things” remember things is not dead, they all have their movements it’s just VERY very slow movements. Even glass moves in your windowframes it just goes very slowly, too slow for the human eye to see. Wood in everything from guitars to your coffee tables moves too. No woman, yes cry. Guess the rastaman got it all wrong huh? You learn a thing or two when never feel the touch of a womans love, the touch of her hand on your cheek, feeling her arms around you feeling her love RIGHT there. All that shit I’ve been missing out on. Fuck humans, fuck the world. No one seem to care….then why should I care about them? fuck’em right?

So here I am……40 years old never had a girlfriend never tried it. Getting desperate yes, why shouldn’t I? Oooh all good comes to those who waits right? Wrong fuckasses…..WRONG

Rollcall -> Still alive :-)

I’ll be updating with some new stuff in a few days just gotta finish it

back for more blogging

I’ve been thinking a lot about people in the world that don’t know enough about autism, they seem to step back when they hear people telling them that they have a diagnose on the autism spectrum. This is really irritating me, leaves me in frustration and worries about autistic people’s future in this shortsighted (people not looking beyond they’re own little world) world.

How could we make this world accept us as we really are, and just accept us being there. and not trying to cure us like a decease?
Would a broader outspreading knowledge of autism/aspergers syndrome, do the trick?
Or simply learning people that we’ve always been here, and that the fact that trying to cure autism simply degrades the wisdom, technological knowledge in the world. Is this the way to make people with autism spectrum disorders life’s better in this world?

I would really like to see more acceptance for us individuals in the world.
This is just some daily thoughts from me, but your all welcome to comment on this.

miksedk signing of for tonight

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An experience i had when i was little…

Back when i was in kindergarden, i had this very odd experience when the teachers tested our hearing with this hearing machine, one of those where you push the little stick your holding the hand, when you hear a sound in the headphones. It was then when I had this intense pain from the sound, the pain was so strong that it felt like a big needle being pushed throu my earmembrane.
I dont know if this is normal for music-ears to feel that kind of pain from sounds, but i’ve always had very sensitive hearing.
Some people have even said that i got absolute music-ear. but i know i dont have that, from when i was born to the point where i learned to speak, i wistled music i had heard on the radio or in tv or elsewhere. and i have always hit the tones correctly and very sharp.

So if you people outthere in the world, that got good music-talent, good ears or anything like it, then your very welcome to comment on this.
I’d like to hear from you if you have had that same kind of experience in the early childyears.

Sinsirely miksedk

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Moments of dispare and confusion.

I need to have space around me, and i need someone by my side to keep me up.

Feel like crashing like a plane straight to the ground. Gotta prepare a hard landing i think……..these downs i could definitly be without. Hate it like i hate being turned down by a woman when i tell about my diagnose.

Hate my life always getting into situations in the family where i get the loose-situation, always being the fool because everyone around dont understand…..

Hate that all the women dont see me as i am, on the inside…always get hurt..always.

Never get the win-situation it always has its way of turning the win-situation into a non-win-situation. So its always me thats being the fool in the end, not being able to have a nice, warm and comfortable evening with my family. Always get put outside…or is it that i always feel im outside because of my way of thinking as a Human being with Asperger Syndrome?

I’m desperate to find a woman who understand me as i am, and accept me as i am.

I hate being, or feeling, like i’m the only person not to get help from the City’s socialhelpcenter, they just leave you in spot where you cant get up from on your own.

I had so many loose-situations, that my selfconfidence is equal to some number around zero.

People need to see what individuals are like, with asperger syndrome, today people think we all are psycho’s in someway, its not fair that the media puts us in a box like that, putting up these news about incidents with people thats psychological impared in some ways.

People need to see us on our strong sides too, but that dont get on the news. Only the bad things show up in the news, in my opinion an many others NT”s, people are afraid of things,people and the way that they behave, when they dont know what the person contains.

To all english speaking Humans/persons i’d like to get some feedback if you think im not expressing myself in the english way of thinking, cause im from Denmark Scandinavia, thou i always get told that i’m expressing myself very good in english.

So please bare with me if im not speaking your words correctly grammaticly.

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One more sleepless night..

One of these days again, haven’t been
sleeping all night and holding it together by doing things like
cleaning and doing some grocery shopping.

Holding my self up and doing some
activities holding on to the small eveninghours, and go early to bed,
maybe to close the nightshift for this time, and to walk on to the
daylight.

Hoping this will keep me from
sitting awake on nights and do stuff like other people would do. like
enjoying the sun in the sky, feeling the fresh air ( hhhmm fresh air
in the big city?? didnt sound right there :-p ), and perhaps just
maybe get some energy to get on the bike and pump some blood through
the vains for a change.

As im sitting here writing the time
writes 4:30pm. Soon its time for some dinner, and then maybe a nice
little lite shower before bed.

Just thought i would share this with
you all.

See you all in a day or 2.

Goodnight everyone and happy dreaming

sincerily Michael

No sleep again…

Just as i thought i had turned my eyes to the dayhours i cant sleep again, feeling frustrated and irritated at my self for turning day into night.
Not very funny to be so tired and not be able to sleep. as im writing this im watching Lord of the rings – The two towers, an yesterday i watched the first LOTR, around the same time.
Thinking about putting on the last one after the two towers, well what can i say. just love Adventuremovies.
Something that i’ve learned is, that you dont lie in bed if you dont fall asleep after aprox. 1-1½ hours, because one should not compare being in bed with sleeping troubles. also a short warm bath should work sometimes, bot not always it works here.
Well if i cant sleep, i could just as well write on my blog about it, and some tips on how to work with it. if some of you have that same problems now and then.

Have a great day/night all of you wherever you are out there.

Hope to get some sleep soon.

Feeling fresh today

Well time for a little update.
Today i feel fresh to do some housework, and want to clean my laptop for dust inside, a HP dv9232eu.
needs a reinstall of ubuntu linux wich i spend much time running on my 5 laptops at home.
Ubuntu is a really nice linux distribution and you can get it at Ubuntu

may you all have a great day

miksedk

My first post

Hi
My name is Michael, I’m 33 years old and im currently living in Denmark Scandinavia.
Im diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome and with ADHD on top of it, i will mainly be using this blog to tell the world how i get by every day, in my own words.
Thats all for now, hope to see some comments on my blog in the near future.

May your all have a nice week.
Michael..

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